You've always needed a lot of personal space. BFFs and cousins were basically your siblings. My greatest struggle; having an "only son" makes me feel as though I have 2 Husbands, and no friends. This is not a laid-back family because everyone is trying extremely hard to do their best by each other. And at the age of 53 many of the traits mentioned are just now manifesting themselves. I wish people would stop thinking negatively about parents' decision to have a singleton child and look beyond the unfair stereotypes of only children. For many young people, the outcome of growing up as an "only" doesn't become apparent until they form a significant relationship or partnership in young adulthood. They also had less need for attachments, perhaps because they weren’t deprived of affection. Thanks to not having any siblings, you had the most realistic make-believe friends ever! They expect the child to turn out well. I myself am an only child and I never got any attention from my family (my parents being divorced before I was even born and my father whom was honestly never really a part of my life), emotional support, and any of the above stated. Although these are things I had realized about myself, it was good to see it from someone else. But I believe there are also pros and cons with having siblings. As cliché as it sounds, it’s the truth— they provided the companionship you always believed a sibling would have been able to offer. Flying solo. I sometimes wonder if I'm living with Dr Jeckel and Mr Hyde!!!! Even as a young child, my nickname was "professor"- no doubt as a result of the "precocious" development you described in your article. Here's what left brain vs. right brain means…. I am now the mother of an only child and I am grateful for the contents of this article if only to help me guard against the downside and understand the positives of my daughters only-child status. Sometimes striving less can create room for enjoying more. Sorry for the rant about my life. I say things without thinking and sometimes they offend people.
We are definitely in a better place now- thank God, but it's still good to know why things were as bad as they were. True story: I actually created an entire family – I had two sisters and one big brother (I imagined their names, personalities, and our family dynamics). Being an only child myself i believe this article is extremely out of line, outdated and should not be read. Having treated tens of thousands of kids with my wife (both orthodontists) i can safely say a lot of issues are escapeism. theories and I have witnessed all of that. Pull your head out of your ass and then look around!
Older sisters who commented on my shape and size ( I was of very average shape and size yet they told me I was fat and flat chested). I had one older brother who I never got along with and to this day do not have a real relationship with. I have an only child who is now 18 and has severe anti social issues and anxiety issues. Here’s the truth. I feel the same way as you. On a social level, I am also extremely sensitive and internalize every bad comment someone says about/to me. Needless to say I'm an introvert whose fine with being alone. I really liked your article.
Sometimes when feeling stuck, talking to someone about it can help. But so does family composition and the formative effects of having siblings or not. Their parents probably ran around after them, buying them whatever they wanted and giving them all the attention in the world. I too am in my 50’s and feel the same way, whilst I was an only one I too now feel that things as you are now manifesting. The name itself suggests that the kids are different from the others. Discover unique things to do, places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me! In fact, so thoroughly discredited is the original work on the subject that there isn’t much recent — from the last 10 to 20 years — research on the subject. I believe this is why the adolescence of a lot of only children is delayed, often not beginning until middle school or even early high school. Second, the only child gets the entire social, emotional, and material resources those parents have to provide. Because they’re an only child, their parents probably freaked out every minute of the day, making sure their child is okay. And oddly enough, even though I am very sociable, I find it really hard to intimately connect with peers. Literally. For example, children in career military families can grow up to be concerned about public appearance (from reflecting well on the officer parent's reputation) and adaptable to change (from moving every two years.). Through your work I have gained key insights about myself and why I am who I am. 1) "It's different for every child, depending on family." And there are certain holidays you just can't celebrate. It’s sad how ill informed this post is. I am childless, partnerless, and still a virgin. I find myself at this point in my life thinking about the future. still do.. had 5 kids and 15 grands. Really, you would think my parents were only children! We explore how it can be an effective tools for….
I just hope she doesn't damage herself too much with the permanent choices in which she is engaging. I've been alone nearly all my life. Just having the company of someone with whom to share your trials can make a difference. I’m an only child and it is a really extreme and negative viewpoint. Yes, with all the parental attention and none to be divided with siblings, an uncompromising sense of self in the only child can develop that will not sacrifice individual well being for the sake of social belonging (peer pressure), and may pursue individuality and independence without much need to rebell. Who do I turn to if something happens with my parents?
Does not want to share anything with others. Thank you for saying that. Putting this much pressure on myself is abusive. She’s very caring, friendly, open, & always ready to mingle with other children. And you still have no idea how to hold a baby. So what are some of the formative outcomes that can characterize an adolescent only child? The few things that were different for me are circumstantial due to divorce, etc.
[Read: How to stand up for yourself: How to get what you want and deserve]. And you ruined your argument saying they can overcome these traits when if they never had these traits to begin with, how do they overcome them? He also said I was extremely introverted and narcissistic. 16 Simple Ways to Relieve Stress and Anxiety, How to Fall Asleep in 10, 60, or 120 Seconds. The outcomes of these influences begin to emerge during adolescence when the young person has separated from childhood and starts developing the individual and independent characteristics that will mark them as an adult. #5 Overprotective parents. This is a lot of fast change and high tension for only-child teenagers and parents to weather. Isolation usually makes problems feel worse. I get where these ideas come from. Now, as I am approaching 40, I am more aware of issues from not having siblings. Looking for less stress and a more peaceful way to parent?
I wish they would realise that it is out of your control that you are an ” only”. Whomever wrote this article doesn’t know a thing about proper research and is spouting opinion rather than fact. You have only kids thats saying its true and some saying the opposite sooo must be some truth…Im an only myself and I have many traits, but I hide it well. Your parent(s) were your homies and you had them ALL to yourself. Thank you for writing this article. It didn't help that I am gay and that I thought that she would shun me because of disappointment and religious values (thank God she didn't). Anyway, I just felt compelled to share my two cents about myself and the article. I always attempted to keep my child around others. I'm glad you have recovered from a hard experience. Holidays with your immediate family consist of three people or fewer. My parents are divorced and I live with my mum (I'm 16). In this case, the only child is the taker. To be raised in "solitary confinement" is lonely indeed. The only thing I would say about growing up as an only child is that sometimes you can feel lonely, particularly at times when your parents are preoccupied with their own stuff, since you have no siblings to take refuge with. Researchers have conducted numerous studies in the last 100 years on only children to determine whether the stereotype is true. Based on her examination of these studies, when compared to families with multiple children, only children surpassed several groups in the areas of character, achievement, and intelligence. When you lose the weight, the body experiences starvation, even though you are at a normal weight now. I was raised an only child and I have to agree about having to be able to tell if someone is being mean or just teasing but I was able to overcome that bc I have a dry wit naturally...maybe thats just personality,....People also forget to take in to account every only child's personality is different. © 2005-2020 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. Yes. If you’re not an only child and your partner is, you’ll be able to balance your characteristics out and create harmony. I am also a pre-op male-to-female lesbian-identified transsexual autogynephile who discovered "himself" to be a cross-dresser at age 9. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that many of my best traits (and some of my worst) come from being raised as an only child. Families are formative. We'll tell you how to introduce mindfulness…, CBT is a type of talk therapy that helps people realize the connection between thoughts and behavior. What a rich and varied life,with one adversity, challenege, and change after another! The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. I am an only child. She is a very loving child, she's perfect in my and her fathers eyes. Their family is their family. You want someone who understands you and thinks ahead. So, just to let you know, if their friends don’t like you—you ain’t gonna last long. [Read: How to accept your BF’s friends and get them to accept you]. With siblings or without siblings, either way is fine, just different. At the beginning, the separation from childhood in early adolescence (ages 9-13), with the pushing against and pulling away from parents, creates more abrasion, distance, and loneliness. I gained great comfort from gaining a better perspective of my "Adolescent Only Child." And when people take it, the situation gets real. Putting psychological ideas out for public consideration always feels presumptuous because of so much that I don't know and will never know. It helps explain so much. Being the only child is tough, because their playmate is also the authority figure. Here’s how to be a flexible, loving…. Very sensitive to words, but at the same time can bite as you don't need anything more. The Dance of Parental Accommodation with Adolescent Change, Parental Readiness for 4 Stages of Adolescent Growth, The Challenge of Parenting a Strong-willed Adolescent, Parenting Adolescents and How Much to Control, Detachment and Diversity Parenting Your Adolescent, Adolescent Questions about Growing Up as an Only Child. So, your partner may have a creative streak in them all thanks to the fact they were alone for most of their lives. I guess that’s the internet for you. She is angry from the time she wakes till she goes to sleep most days. The thing is that when you're an only child you spend a lot of your time with grown-ups, you're not in a very child-centric home and you're often the only child in a gathering of adults. Just like politicians think they are above the law or better/smarter than citizens because of the power they posses and the title they hold.
Completely agree with you Cindy! Normally what pisses people off most are the things that scare them. So, from an early age, you were expected to act, speak, think, and engage like a little adult.
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